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Carnage for the Destroyer (2006)
Tonight's Feature Presentation

CARNAGE FOR THE DESTROYER (2006)

Starring: Travis Indovina, Meredith Host, Matt Meister, A.J. Stabone, Jen Stone, Emily Meister, Dana McBoobs

Written By: Chris Seaver (also story), Travis Indovina (story) Directed By: Chris Seaver

The Short Version

The production company is called “Low Budget Pictures;” they’re not kidding.

Think “it came from the parents’ basement;” you won’t be far off.

If you’re offended by anything – and I do mean anything at all – forget it.

With that said, this bunch has heart for the art, they love what they’re doing, and it shows.

Carnage for the Destroyer is cheap horror comedy for a very select niche of drunken frat boys and girls.


The Long Version

What Kind Of Cheese Is It?

STORE BRAND MAC & CHEEZ.

As if this flick’s budget could afford anything else.  But hey, some people genuinely like the stuff!


Pairs Well With...

KEYSTONE LIGHT.

Ridiculously cheap, ridiculously horrible beer.  Besides, it’s no stretch at all to imagine Choach or Teen Ape telling someone to “hold my stones.”

“Jacking off before death is dope!”


Go on; read that line of dialogue up top one more time, and make sure you’ve got the mental picture it describes to go with it.  Now, ask yourself this: do you think that’s funny?

The answer’s important, because if you don’t think it’s funny, not only should you not bother watching Carnage for the Destroyer, but you may actually feel the need to wash your hands should you ever accidentally touch a copy of it or any of Chris Seaver’s other movies, for that matter.  And he’s okay with that, really; he didn’t make his movies for you.

Now if you do find the line up top funny and don’t care if the movies you watch have budgets that could be traded in for a used car, there are still no guarantees, but you, at least, qualify to keep on reading and decide for yourself.

Our story, such as it is, goes like this.  Sebastian (Travis Indovina, Terror at Blood Fart Lake) is a heavy metal fanatic and the head of a… hmm… “quirky” group friends who get together each year to create a haunted house.  This year, Sebastian envisions a haunted house built around the story of the Destroyer, an unstoppable killer drawn from the myths of ages past.  Unfortunately for Sebastian and his pals, the Destroyer is summoned into being by way of an incantation, and during the course of explaining the myth of the Destroyer, Sebastian recites the entire incantation aloud, unwittingly bringing the real Destroyer to life to wreak havoc on Dayton, Ohio.  Can Sebastian and his pals find time between racial slurs, self-described “deviant” sex acts, and shameless proclamations of egomania to stop the Destroyer?  And if they can’t, would anyone really notice if Dayton was crushed into oblivion, anyway?  Perhaps the Gods of Metal have an answer…

Writer/director Chris Seaver calls his production company “Low Budget Pictures,” and he’s not kidding.  You really could trade the budgets for most of these flicks in for a 1980 Pinto, and Carnage for the Destroyer is no exception.  It’s easy to look at this group as classify them as “a bunch of dorks who had nothing better to do for a few weekends,” but that’s not really fair.  What they don’t have in terms of a bank account, they do their best to make up for with a true love for the art of moviemaking, and for the genre of the offbeat horror comedy in particular.  It’s obvious at every moment that the cast and crew are having fun with this flick, and that in turn makes it that much easier for the audience to have fun with it.

Given, of course, the right audience, but hold that thought; we’ll come back to it.

Seaver and company also have the advantage of having bothered to learn something about their craft, which is never a guarantee at this level of moviemaking.  They know how to hold a camera, they know where to aim, they understand lighting, they understand sound, and they understand timing.  In other words, they’re competent, and beyond that, they understand something about the art of things, as well, so even on those occasions when one of the above items is off kilter, they make it work anyway.  And when it comes to the special effects, sure, some of them are obvious (stuffed pants attached to no body during the “wishbone scene, I’m looking at you), but some are actually quite amazing, most notably a gunshot sequence that truly disturbed some of the cast members who were there when it was being filmed.

Why yes, folks; they didn’t have much money, but they did remember to spend some cash on gore!  Woot!

So, on a technical level, Carnage for the Destroyer is just about as excellent of a movie as one has any right to expect at this level of budget, and can indeed be said to reach for even higher levels than that on occasion.

That’s the good news.

As for the story, it’s a mess.  The plot’s straightforward enough and does remain consistent with itself, but there are tangents all over the place so that the characters can show off their particular quirks.  Realistically, if you hacked out the stuff that has nothing to do with the story at hand, Carnage for the Destroyer would only be about 15 minutes long; 20, tops.  With the extra stuff, it comes in at just under an hour, so I’m sure you can do the math from there.

Of course, a lot of that “extra stuff” involves sex, so…

Why, yes; the folks at Low Budget Pictures understand that some people may need a little extra incentive to look in on a film such as theirs, so they threw in some real, honest-to-goodness nudity, most notably in the form of a woman calling herself “Dana McBoobs” in the coveted role of “Tit Fuck Trick.”  And yes, you actually get to see what that implies close up (though the male portion of the act features an oversized dildo that’s got a realistic enough color job if you don’t pay close attention and fail to notice the latex irritation on the woman’s skin), so technically, you don’t just get nudity, but you also get a diet version of hardcore porn, complete with exaggerated money shots!  And hey, don’t forget the kinkified dominatrix (Meredith Host, Geek War) who has a sexual obsession with pissing in gallon sized quantities! 

What?  You think that’s over the top?

To call these characters “over the top” is like calling Jabba the Hutt “slightly overweight.”  Every character trait is magnified to outlandish proportions, with the end result being that if you are offended by damn near anything, Carnage for the Destroyer is likely to disgust you.  This is because with very few exceptions, the only characters that seem to exist in what Chris Seaver calls “the LBP universe” are immature assholes who are so rude and obnoxious that even the crudest college frat house might have a hard time accepting their loutish behavior.  The swearing is constant, but that’s par for the course, even though frankly it sounds like a bunch of middle school kids who just learned the words “shit” and “fuck” and haven’t yet learned how to use them properly.  (The same goes for the words they picked up between snickers in Sex Ed class.)  Far, far less forgivable, though, is the relentless use of bigoted language throughout the film (which is taken to such extremes that one cast member even felt the need to apologize and distance herself from it during a behind-the-scenes interview).  Yeah, sure, according to Seaver, it’s all just a joke, and when it comes to most of what happens here, I can accept that, but there is a line beyond which things just aren’t funny.  Constant use of racist, homophobic, and other bigoted language is way over the wrong side of the line.  (I actually think I heard a certain “n” word – language may not be a problem on its face, but I will not repeat racial slurs – more than I heard “f” bombs being dropped.)  I watched this with a friend, and we both agreed that while we had no problem with anything else in terms of being offended by it, the needless bigotry was disgusting and really brought the entire movie down to a point where it was no longer entertaining.

It’s too bad, really, because without that, I might have been able to recommend Carnage for the Destroyer to somebody.  Not everybody – not by a longshot – but at least somebody.

With that said, there are still some bright spots worth noting.  While none of the movie’s sexual material is the least bit titillating (regardless of one's personal fetishes, it's not), Meredith Host still makes her character fun.  Choach (A.J. Stabone, Mulva 2: Kill Teen Ape!) is obnoxious as hell, but he’s the funny kind of obnoxious (which is far more than I can say for Seaver’s favorite serial character, Teen Ape, who is just fucking annoying).  And then there’s Travis Indovina, the newcomer to “the LBP universe” who also came up with the story, and who shines above everyone else as the most fun, enjoyable person to watch in the entire movie.  He’s having a blast as a wannabe Metal God, and I do have to say that he’s got some decent taste in music.  (Seriously; if you haven’t heard them yet, go on and get yourself some Nightwish after you’re done here.  It’s great stuff.)

Bottom line, Carnage for the Destroyer is a cheap, no-budget horror comedy gross-fest that makes no excuses for itself, and that’s fine... almost.  If absolutely nothing offends you and you’re into extremely crude, drunken frat house humor, there may be something here for you aside from the death of brain cells.  (Though frankly, if the constant slurs don’t offend you... wake up, dumbass.  It’s a new century.)  For most of the potential viewing audience, though, if you happen across Carnage for the Destroyer, just turn around and run like hell.

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- Reviewed by Ziggy Berkeley, March, 2012


You can email Ziggy at ziggy@cinemaontherocks.com. You can also find us on Facebook.


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